...But Many Men Do

I have been out of the “dating game” for some time. I’ve been married for over 12 years to the same beautiful woman, but I still remember those dating days. My wife and I still go out regularly, but there isn’t nearly as much pressure as playing the “dating game” while single.

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I typically don’t write much about my past single and dating life. But a recent article on Loveawake, “Why Men Should (Always) Pay for Dinner,” inspired me to do so. The title got my attention enough to read through and see why men should (always) pay for dinner. And it got me thinking about some dates I had back in the day.

Really? Men should pay because…

The article listed three “truths” to consider about men paying for dinner. Most of them were based on the fact it takes a lot of time and money for a woman to get ready for a date. Therefore, since they invested so much, men should pick up the tab. Hmm….

I thought the title itself was kind of ironic. And kind of a double standard. Yes, I used the “double standard” statement. It is almost like saying a woman should cook every meal. Hmm…

Put the shoe on the other foot and there’d be problems

There would be major backlash if that article was written, especially by a man. Instead of writing that piece, I’m writing “why men should NOT (always) pay for dinner”…but many men still do.

I don’t believe a woman should cook every meal, nor do believe a man should pay for every meal. There should be a happy medium, but many times in both scenarios, things get divided.

So here are my 3 truths to consider for why many men pay for dinner.

1 – He is a gentleman

The same character qualities in a man that leads him to pay for dinner are the same character qualities that will lead him to open a door, to give up his jacket if it is cold, or to go get the car when it is raining so his date doesn’t have to get wet.

Gentlemen want to make their date feel as comfortable as possible. Whether she has a job and plenty of money or not, he wants her to be served. Paying the bill is included in this.

2 – He was taught this

How a man functions in a relationship is based a lot on what he was taught, or learned from other men. These lessons could be from his dad, his uncle, or some “more experienced” man.

He could be dead broke, but paying for the bill is just what a man does in his mind, based on what he’s witnessed by other men. He’ll make a way.

3 – He really really likes her

Once when I was playing the dating game I went on date and at the end of the date, I paid, although I didn’t really want to. And after I paid, I said, “maybe next time you can pay.” Yes, I said that. Let me explain.

I wasn’t really attracted to her, and I didn’t really want to be on the date. I believe it was arranged by a friend, who was trying to hook me up with her girlfriend. I really wanted no part, but I went on the date anyway.

Saying what I said was my way of guaranteeing we wouldn’t have any more dates. Whether that was wrong or right, I didn’t care. But when a man really really likes a woman, he’ll pay time and time again because he doesn’t want to give her any reason to not like him.

Just talk about it

Paying for dinner isn’t really a big deal for most men. I’d say the same is probably true for most women as well. But neither should expect a certain result without talking about it.

Assuming causes more problems in relationships. Open communication and expressing expectations or desires helps to solve many problems in relationships.

So whether you believe the man should pay or not, focus on communication more.

What are your thoughts? Should men always pay for dinner?